Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
