why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
