I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize