I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
