You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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