I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
