she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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