I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize