Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
