At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
