i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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