For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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