I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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