Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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