You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
