Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
