just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
