y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
