Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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