I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
