i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
