I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
