my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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