I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
