Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
