Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
