During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
