So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
