I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize