Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Who died my cat blue again?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
