he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
