I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
