well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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