I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
