from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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