i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
my liver is dry heaving
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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