I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
