im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
