What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize