Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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