he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
