I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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