Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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