So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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