This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
