so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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