Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
