What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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