i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
