I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
