She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
