remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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