im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
