Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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