They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
