I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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