at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
