how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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