I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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