was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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