it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
