the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
