Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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