I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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