I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
