The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
