so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
