I want to make a zoo with you.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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