They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just want nice things and good sex
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
