If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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