i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
