eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
