what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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