Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
