like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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