and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
