I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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