i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
