omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
