i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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