Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
