I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
