you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
