Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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