I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
false alarm, still single
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
