Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I am available for nakedness
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
