gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
