god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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