New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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