Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
