the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
