2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i've created a new STD.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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