your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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