my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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