this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
