She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
