She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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