Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
