Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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