I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
