What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she peed on how many people?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
