Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
