I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
