Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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