I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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