"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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