Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize