I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think pants incapable of making pants work
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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